Dear Vail… | The Colorado Snowboard Blog

Posted by: Dave Berry | Mar 10, 10

Well hi everybody! I know it's been a long time since I've shot off a good rant here and this one, assuming that I can pull it off, will be a doozy. The setup is that I got to have a work-sanctioned riding day up in Vail, all I had to do was deliver some pre-fab but unassembled bathroom vanity to one of my stupid job's client's condo up in East Vail to their contractor dude this morning. Then it was off to Vail, a mountain that I haven't been to in, if I remember right, nine years. In any event it's been a long time since I've been up there. I got some good info on how to get over to the Blue Sky Basin from said contractor dude and I heshed over there as fast as I could. The reason I bothered with riding Vail is that said client footed the $98 for my lift ticket otherwise I would have just turned around and headed over to Mary Jane where my pass works and not thought twice about it. 

Sometime after lunch I came up with what I feel is a solid analogy for Vail; she's like a turbo-hot yuppie chick that's sympathetic to punk rawk but you've got no shot with her because all the dudes that hang around her are total cock-blocking douchebags, not to mention that you can't afford her anyway. Yeah, Vail got all scened out on me in my near-decade absence. Her scene isn't all bro-dawg like Brek's is but it has major similarities to it. Her scene is strange because you do have a lot of bro-dawgs there but they're intermingling with the old yuppies in that faux Bavarian "village" at the base in a relative state of peace. It's really wierd and honestly it kind of jacked with my perceptions a bit until I decided that most of the bro-dawgs are trust fund kids from the east coast who go to CMC so they know how to act around those that have more money than us serfs who ride over at Mary Jane and drink at Pepperoni's. Which reminds me, why the hell were there so many PBR cans in the recycle bin at the top of Blue Sky Basin?

After getting reaquainted with Vail today I've taken to anthropomorphizing (college word! I hope I spelled it right) her as a beautiful woman. I've got a certain one in mind for the imagery, not that slut from Durango, but you can choose your own. So since I can't write the mountain Herself a love letter pleading my case I'm just going to do it here solely for your entertainment. Enjoy.

Dear Vail,

I know it's been literally years but I must say I am very greatful that I could see you again today. My heart skipped a beat and I was just so excited to be back with you again that I can't even describe it. As I plowed through your finely-trimmed glades time stopped. As I grabbed my stick while hovering over your perfect mounds my breath escaped me. As I chopped away at your backside I felt that I was in heaven. Caressing your bumps reminded me of simpler times that we once shared. Nothing will ever come close to riding you hard like I did today. You must feel the same.

But as we got busy I noticed a few of your "friends" around. I know it's been a long time and people change, myself included, but when I last saw you we were pretty close, at least on some deeper level. Now it's like we never even hung out in the same crew. Who are all of these scene boys that call you "theirs" now? You used to hate them. The same goes for all of the scene betties that wear too much makeup that were all over you today. Your backside used to be a sacred place that only a few lucky people like myself got to even set eyes upon, but now you're getting a little blown out. I hate to admit it but it's true. Are you doing coke in the restrooms of Village bars because that's where all of your new scene boys hang out? You never had to do that to impress me and you never will. You don't need to buy a brand new Burton jumpsuit every season to get my love and you never will. 

What I'm getting at is that I miss you very much but the mountain that you've become has already been played out so badly by Brek and Keystone and honestly you don't wear it well. I understand that you're probably just trying to rebel against your disgustingly rich father or something and I get that, but the crowd that you're hanging around with simply does not suit you. I remember the crusty days when I'd roll over to your rear and blast your father's friends right out of there because I didn't like what they were doing to you. Now you've got not only them but bro-dawgs and bro-bitches nailing you from the back and it really bums me out. You're a slut now and I find that quite sad. You're never going to catch up to that bitch Aspen so why bother? Quit adorning yourself with shallow shops and crappy art galeries and get back to who you once were and still are at heart; a beautiful mountain who is respected for who she is and not what she wears. You are not a whore so quit acting like one.

I'm sure it's hard to read but it's even harder for me to say. I miss you, Vail, and I honestly hope that you can come back around to who you once were.

Shred Hard.

Dave Berry.