Colorado Snow Blog 10/07/09

Posted by: Dave Berry | Oct 8, 09

Two blogs in two days? Oh yes. I, your not-so-humble reporter of all things CO snow, actually has some info for you to check out in under seven days. Tonight was the premier of the new Burton flick The B and over the course of a couple of Ska Brewing Co.'s finest seasonal offering Euphoria Pale Ale's which I just discovered for the first time in Denver at the mighty Argonaut Liquors on Colfax (you know where it is) I'll do my best to break it down for you. Ok, I won't. I'm just going to give a quick de-briefing of the situation.

So this thing went down at the Ogden Theatre. If you've never been there you're a better person than I am. This goddamn place NEVER FAILS TO DISAPPOINT. I hate the Ogden for many reasons. I won't go down the list but I'll just say stay the hell away from this over-hyped dump if you can. If you want the full breakdown just know that this hole is run by NIPP (Nobody In Particular Presents) and read my LBRO interview for the backstory. Go there if you want the worst sound possible for your favorite band on tour, or if you don't mind paying $6 a beer at an over-sold movie premier. There, I said it.

While I'm on the subject, I've never seen ANYTHING start at the Ogden when it was supposed to. I don't know why but it just doesn't happen. Lucky for my esteemed roommate this statement came through with more flying colors than a Phish show tonight. Dude left his ID at Dagger Headquarters (the house) and despite this being an all-ages event the security dicks were checking EVERYBODY'S ID whether they were planning on drinking or not. What? The chode that patted me down went as far as opening my pack of smokes and my pack of gum to see if I was trying to sneak something in. WHAT? So my roommate went packing back to Englewood for his ID and I went in.

Remember when I told you I'd bash on the scene way back in entry one? Put on your flack jacket for this one! Events like these make me a little bit ashamed to tell chicks that I snowboard just for the impression that the scene lends to one of my most beloved of addictions. Why? Because all of you scene-fashion show dicks who rock beanies when it's not even cold, hoods when it's not even raining or snowing, say "bra'" after every sentance, buy the latest gear despite the fact that you just bought the latest gear last season (probably on mom's credit card that dad pays for), crowd the already crowded bar AFTER you got your drink, form chat circles in major lines of passage through the crowd, wear crappy 80's sunglasses INDOORS AT NIGHT in DARK VENUES, bring your lame-ass, art-dyke girlfriends who only drink wine and are all pissed because the joint doesn't even serve wine, take photos even though they're not even photos; they're jpg's, lookin' like Jeremy Jones even though only Jeremy Jones is allowed to look like Jeremy Jones, you bastards, ALWAYS flood these things and I fucking hate you. Yeah, I know "we're all just here to have a good time, bra," but FUCK YOU. Snowboarding is dying and I can't wait to pull it out of the grave because I'll still be here when you aren't...provided my knees hold out.

Onto the flick (finally)!

The B is the raddest riding flick that I've seen since That. Actually, it's the newest flick that I've seen since That. Upon further introspection, The B may just be the most mucho grande riding flick that I've seen EVER. Burton makes it very clear that they've got a metric fuckton of money simply with the amount of heli-shots that are in this thing and shameless self-promotion in the "bonus" section of the DVD that was on loop. That reminds me, this goddamn thing wasn't even on actual reels. It was just a DVD queued up at the soundman's table. FAIL. Burton is now to snowboarding what Powell-Peralta was to skateboarding in the 80's. All hail king Jake. You've done it, now please take Shaun White away for the good of all of us.

When you see The B in your local shop you should pick it up for three primary reasons; ONE: Jeremy Jones' part kills just about everything that I've ever seen caught on video, TWO: Shaun White's MINISCULE part is nothing more than a goddamn Red Bull ad so that is a legit reason to hate him even more despite the fact that he could ride any one of us into the grave...but fuck his commercial ass, and THREE: the final scene, which I'm not going to spoil for you because it's just too sick is just that; too sick. 

This flick kills. The scene does not, has not, and will not ever. I'm all about new gear but if you gotta rock your riding jacket AND snowboard to a video premier (one dude did, I shit you not) then you're way too scene'd out, bra.

Shred Hard.

Dave Berry.